We've all had those moments—feeling low, overwhelmed, or lost—and wondering which friend to call. One might really "get us," while another shows up no matter what.

That leads us to a big question: In friendship, is it more important to be understood, or to be supported? The answer isn't as simple as choosing one. Both understanding and support play unique roles, and we often need a mix of both. But depending on the situation, one may matter more.

Understanding: Feeling Truly Seen

When someone understands us, it means they really listen—not just to what we say, but how we feel. They know our history, our triggers, our humor, and our fears. Being understood gives us the comfort of not needing to explain ourselves from scratch every time.

Understanding brings emotional safety. We don't feel judged. We don't feel alone. Clinical psychologist Dr. Miriam Kirmayer points out that being seen for who we are is the core of lasting friendships. It helps build trust and long-term closeness.

Think about it: When a friend finishes your sentence or notices you're upset before you say a word—it feels like magic. That's deep understanding.

Support: Showing Up When It Counts

Support, on the other hand, is all about action. It's the friend who brings you dinner when you're sick, stands by you during a breakup, or cheers you on when you're chasing a goal. They might not always "get" why you're upset—but they show up anyway.

Support builds reliability. It tells us, "You're not alone." Even if your friend doesn't have the right words, their presence can mean everything. According to a study from the University of California, perceived social support directly improves emotional well-being—especially during times of stress.

And sometimes, support speaks louder than words.

Different Friends, Different Roles

In real life, it's rare for one friend to be perfect at both. One friend might be the listener, the one who always understands your messy thoughts. Another might be the doer—the one who helps you pack for a move or sends you a voice note just to say "you got this."

That's normal—and even healthy. We don't need every friend to be everything. The key is recognizing each person's strengths and appreciating them for what they bring.

When Understanding Hurts, and When Support Falls Short

It's also true that only having one can create problems. A friend who understands you deeply but never takes action might leave you feeling stuck or uncared for. On the flip side, a friend who supports you constantly but doesn't take the time to understand your emotions might give advice that misses the point.

For example, telling someone "Just stay busy" after a loss may be meant kindly—but without understanding, it can feel dismissive. True friendship balances both: thoughtful listening, and intentional action.

So Which One Matters More?

If we really had to choose, the answer depends on the moment. During tough emotional times, we often crave understanding—to know we're not weird, wrong, or alone. During practical or urgent situations, we often need support—someone to help us get through it.

In long-lasting friendships, both grow together. Understanding helps us stay connected emotionally, while support helps us show up physically and mentally.

How We Can Be Better Friends?

Here's the good news—we can learn to offer both. Some simple tips:

• Ask, don't assume: "Do you want to talk about it, or just need a distraction?"

• Offer help thoughtfully: "Can I bring you something?" or "Want me to come by?"

• Follow up: A simple "How are you feeling now?" can show both care and consistency.

Sometimes, just asking someone what they need can make all the difference.

Final Thoughts: Let's Be Present

Whether it's understanding or support, the heart of friendship is presence. It's being there—in joy, in chaos, in silence. We don't need to have perfect words or perfect timing. We just need to care.

So, Lykkers, what do you think—has there been a moment when you needed more understanding than support, or vice versa? Let's reflect on how we show up for others, and how others show up for us. Maybe it's time to send that check-in text—or simply say, "I'm here."